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Beginner Things
We all go through this. There are some stages, I think, we all go through, some of us sooner, others later, depending on each of us. I discovered tango. At the beginning I didn’t want to be noticed, as I was afraid, and I didn’t trust my self of what I was able to do, I wanted to remain in shadow to do my job, no one to see me as I was a beginner. I was sitting a long time and watching a lot. I saw lots of things and observed lots of things. When I was invited to dance, the first thing I said was: “I’m a beginner” as if the one who invited me to dance didn’t know that.
I went to the beginner classes, to practica, to milonga, I did the caminar, caminar, caminar, sometimes ocho, and rarely a mulineta. I started to feel comfortable.
After a while a got some courage, I put the shyness away, and I thought that all I’ve been told is already done and I wanted to do what I saw to the others much more advanced than me. I saw gancho, boleo, volcada, sacada, speed, even force, things that take your breath away, and obviously, I wanted to do them right now, quickly, quickly, even if I couldn’t keep my balance right. Of course, the teacher closed his eyes, understanding, and let me do whatever I wanted, allowed me to test all that things; he didn’t cut my enthusiasm, on the contrary, if I asked him, he gave me the elements that I needed adding that it was not the time for me to do that, but I was going forward. I did all the things in the world, I was very happy and enthusiastic. It was good, it was nice. I practiced, I gain trust into my abilities, I liked it more and more, and I was going faster. I was expansive and I was taking lot of space on the dance floor.
After a while, when I thought I was able to do all that I saw to others, I figured out I couldn’t do anything right, I had a depression, and I said to my self: “ what the … is going on?” and after I got back from that depression I understood that I missed the point, and not because I have not been told, but because I didn’t hear it. And I started once again from the beginning: first thing caminar. I figured out how important it is, and, with all the accumulated experience, I saw much more in that simple ordinary caminar. I started to appreciate simple things. Of course, many ignorants will look at me and will say: She? You say she is dancing good? That beginner? She’s dancing tango for 3 years? Oh well she is doing nothing. Yes, she is doing nothing, but what she is doing, is doing good, well not good, but very good! And she knows what she’s doing. And finally for whom are you dancing for? For you? For your partner? Or for the audience? Are you dancing to be seen? Or to be yourself?
And, if I may say, a confident and elegant step can be seen from far, and even an ignorant will appreciate that elegance, and in that point, all the rest: gancho, boleo, volcada, sacada, the final stop with the woman bent over you, or the interlaced legs, adornos, all the running and force and speed that someone is doing in front of the audience desperately trying to catch the attention, will seem at least… foolishly… if not cheap…
And in spite of all these I think it was good I went through all this, as you relax, you learn, is fun, and you discover yourself. It is like in our day by day life: you discover things during childhood, and play, and explore; during teenage you show off, you want to be seen and to be heard; then you grow up, become an adult, you understand things and become natural.
And yes. I did all this things!!! Did I show of? Yes. What should I do now? I did it… At least I woke up…! I grew up and I learned things! But is true, I had good teachers! : )
Fixurile incepatorului
Toti trecem pe acolo. Exista niste etape, zic eu, prin care trecem cu totii, unii mai repede, altii mai tarziu, depinde de fiecare.
Am descoperit tango. La inceput nu am vrut sa fiu observata, pentru ca imi era jena, teama, nu aveam incredere in ce putem sa fac, vroiam sa stau in umbra si sa imi vad de treaba mea acolo, sa nu se uite nimieni la mine, ca eram incepatoare. Stateam mult, si ma uitam mult. Vedeam multe, observam multe. Cand ma invita cineva la dans, primul lucru pe care il spuneam era: “sunt incepatoare”, puneam o pancarta, de parca cel care ma invita nu stia cu cine a ales sa danseze.
Mergeam la cursurile de incepatori, la practica, la milonga, caminam, caminam, caminam, faceam ocho si in cel mai bun caz mulineta. Am inceput sa ma simt mai confortabil.
Dupa o vreme am prins ceva curaj, am mai lasat din timiditate la o parte, credeam ca ce mi s-a spus sa fac deja e epuizat si vroiam si eu sa fac ce vedem la cei care erau mai sus ca mine. Vedeam gancho, boleo, volcada, sacada, viteza, ba chiar si fortza (!) lucruri care iti iau ochii, si evident vroiam sa le fac acum, repede, repede, chiar daca nu eram in stare sa ma tin bine pe propriile picioare. Desigur profesorul inchidea ochii intelegator, ma lasa sa fac ce vroiam, sa experimentez, nu-mi taia avantul, ba din contra, daca il intrebam imi dade elementele de care aveam nevoie, imi spunea ca nu e momentul, dar io mergeam inainte. Ma apucam, “dadeam din maini si din picioare”, ma agitam mult, facem toate prostiile din lume, eram super incantata, entuziasta, bucuroasa, fericita. Era bine, era fain. Am exersat, am castigat incredere, imi placea din ce in ce mai tare, ma ajuta sa iau viteza. Eram expansiva, ocupam mult spatiu pe ringul de dans.
Dupa o perioada, dupa ce am crezut ca am inceput sa stapanesc cat de cat ce-am vazut, mi-am dat seama ca de fapt nu sunt in stare sa fac nimic bine din tot ce m-am apucat sa fac, am avut o depresie, si m-am gandit: “ce se intampla?” si apoi, cand am reusit sa ies, mi-am dat seama ca imi lipsea esentialul, si nu pentru ca nu mi s-ar fi spus, ci pentru ca nu am auzit. Si m-am apucat si am luat-o de la capat: incep din nou cu caminar. Mi-am dat seama cat de important este, si, cu experienta acumulata, am inceput sa vad mult mai mult in acel simplu si banal caminar. Incep sa apreciez lucrurile simple. Desigur, multi neavizati se vor uita la mine si vor zice: cina mah? Aia danseaza bine? Incepatoarea aia? De trei ani zici ca danseaza? Pai nu face mai nimic. Da, nu face mai nimic, dar ce face, face bine, adica nu bine, foarte bine! Si, stie ce face. Si la urma urmei pentru cine dansezi? Pentru tine? Pentru partener? sau pentru audientza? Dansezi sa fi vazut? Sau sa fi tu?
Si daca stau bine sa ma gandesc, un pas ferm si elegant se vede de departe, si chiar si un ochi neavizat o sa remarce acea elegantza, iar in acel punct, restul: gancho, boleo, volcada, sacada, pozele cu femeia pravalita peste tine, sau cu picioare impletite, adornosuri (!), alergatura, toate nebuniile pe care le va face cineva in fatza auditoriului incercand cu disperare sa se remarce, vor parea … cel putin aiurea… daca nu de prost gust…
Si cu toate astea ma gandesc ca e bine ca am trecut prin ele, pentru ca te relaxezi, inveti, te amuzi, si ajungi sa fii tu insuti. E oarecum ca in viatza: in copilarie mai intai descoperi, apoi explorezi, te joci; in adolescentza, te dai mare, vrei sa fi vazut si auzit; apoi te maturizezi, si ajungi sa intelegi lucruri, si sa fii natural.
Si da. Si eu le-am facut pe toate astea!!! M-am dat in spectacol? Da. Acuma ce sa fac? Am facut-o, am facut-o… Bine macar ca m-am trezit…! Am mai crescut si io si am mai invatzat cate ceva! E drept, am avut si profesori buni! : )
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