A mood - O stare

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A mood

Long ago I thought that the only things you need to dance tango is music and a space where to dance.

When I heard others saying tango is much more, and people told me how was once in Amsterdam Grand Cafe, how was the atmosphere (and I went angry over and over again as I didn’t catch those times, and I felt excluded just because I was not there at that time) I thought they were freakish.

Little by little I started to have the same expectations. What was around me started to matter. It starts from home, before leaving for milonga, beginning with choosing my outfit, matching the make-up with the garment, and listening to the music in the car. Everything becomes a preparation. I think to whom I would like to dance with that evening, if they show up too. Even the way to the place where milonga takes place can be joy. When I’m going to milonga I put away all the other things of my life. Although … it happened to me to think I left all the bad thing at home, in fact it wasn’t like that, and obviously the others felt that and from here lots of stories.

What you find at milonga can set a good mood or a bad mood. Or you arrive at milonga in a bad mood, after a tiring long day, and dance as you never did, and that milonga can make you the day. And from here we can do a flow chart, but better not : )) I don’t know how it goes in Bs As, I’ve never been there, I can not make a comparison, but this is not the point… Maybe the atmosphere, maybe the music, maybe the people, maybe is you the one to determine a good dance to happen.

I remember the atmosphere at “Cina” during its glorious days, “Chocolat”, “La Italieni”, and recently “La Scena”: the dim light, maybe only fairy lights, reading lamps or candles, music, a glass of red wine, the smoke of the cigarettes, ladies discreetly dressed, generally combination of black and accents of other colors. You see them and you can tell they have choose their outfit for that evening. Why? I choose the garment that makes me feel good in that very moment. Sometimes I feel good dressed with an attractive dress, sometime I feel very good in jeans. It depends. Sometime I feel good with make up sometimes I don’t need it…. But there is a general trend, a line; and I think every one has a unique perception related to tango and each of us is creating himself/herself according to this perception. Obviously, we are very much influenced by clichés, and there are tones of photos representing tango, most of them with tango shows scenes influenced by the 80’s trend… bleah… (do not mix it with milonga as a social event), and I don’t think there is someone wanting to look like in those pictures, but there is a special line, tight clothes, dresses cut on one leg, or folds flying over the knees, shirt with cufflinks, a suit, shoulder straps, a hat, a perfume, an aftershave… All this small details makes you feel different. Even the way you make your hair!

All these requirements completed, I am ready to dance; an invitation, and the dance begins: I put myself together, I focus, listen to the music, take deep a breath… put every other thing away, and there is only me in that dance. A flash-gun in my eyes and half a dance is blow away, an unknown song with an irregular rhythm, hard to perform, the excitement/nervousness of the partner, an uncertain, unsafe hand fallen on your back, a broken panty hose, a hair cut badly fixed up from home, all these things can disturb you. Any little thing can disturb me and then, something just doesn’t go well and it is not the same thing as it should be. It feels, everything can be felt and it is transmitted to the partner. It is simple, to any input there is an output; action and reaction. It depends on me and on the partner.

Every dance is different according to each partner and to what he brings in that dance. I dance well with someone when I am happy, I dance well with another partner when I am angry, with another when I’m sad, with another when I’m irritated, with another when I’m full of energy, with another when I’m tired etc. . Each of us has his own way of dance, and each one has his own preferences for certain combinations, variations, rhythms, each one has his own sensibility, musicality, receptivity to how the partner feels the music and express it… and then it comes very natural to choose, according to your mood to whom you want to dance and how and what you want to dance in a very moment. Many details, apparently insignificant details, do matter. At least for me it matters. Sometimes more, sometimes less.

I was once at the point to be frightened by milonga, as I was very tired and milonga asked for a great effort from me, as I had the feeling that everybody was making me running during a milonga song! Once I was asked what was happening to me as I felt like a hedgehog… once I left home very irritated and I was not invited to dance at all a whole evening, as I couldn’t defeat that mood… once I wanted to stop a dance as my partner was completely sucking as he didn’t like the song playing. I think I can not dance anytime anywhere.

Lately everything seems wrong. I cannot dance well even with partners I used to dance very well! The issue? I had to admit it is because of me.

I need a break. I feel I don’t want anymore tango, I don’t want to listen to tango. But for different reasons, as the seminar with Ney planed and paid since summer, plus other events, celebrated within tango, I didn’t succeeded to take this break. This is the longest depression I ever had in tango, and I still cannot get over it. And my mood affects the quality of my dance. My opinion: do not dance tango if you are not in that mood, you’ll not enjoy it, nor your partner : )))))

O stare

Mai demult credeam ca pentru a dansa tango e nevoie doar de muzica, si de un spatiu unde sa dansezi.

Cand ii auzeam pe altii ca tango e ceva mai mult, si mi se povestea cum fusese odata la Amsterdam Grand Cafe, care era atmosfera (si din nou ma enervam ca io nu prinsesem acele vremuri, si ma simteam oarecum exclusa doar prin faptul ca eu nu fusesem acolo), ma gandeam ca sunt fitzosi, ca fac nazuri.

Incet, incet am inceput si eu sa fiu la fel de pretentioasa. Ce era in jurul meu incepea sa conteze. Inca incepand de acasa, inainte sa plec spre milonga cand imi alegeam hainele pe care le voi purta seara, cand imi potriveam fardurile cu imbracamintea, cand ascultam in masina muzica. Totul devine o pregatire. Ma mai gandesc eventual ca mi-ar place sa dansezi cu cutare, cutare si cutare, daca apar si ei in seara respectiva. Chiar drumul pana la localul unde se tine milonga poate fi o placere, o bucurie. Cand plecam la milonga lasam toate celelalte lucruri din viata mea deoparte si nu mai aveam altele pe cap. Desi … mi s-a intamplat sa cred ca depasesc alte probleme de pe alte planuri, in realitate nu era asa, si evident ceilalti le-au simtit si de aici incep o gramada de alte povesti.

Atmosfera care te intampina la milonga iti poate potenta cheful, sau din contra poate sa ti-l taie. Sau poti sa ajungi fara nici un chef la o milonga, dupa o lunga zi obositoare, si sa dansezi cum nu ai fi crezut vrodata, acea milonga schimbandu-ti total ziua respectiva. Si de aici am putea face o schema logica, dar ma abtin : )) Nu stiu cum e in Buenos Aires, nu am fost niciodata, nu am termen de comparatie, dar oricum nu comparatia e scopul… Poate e atmosfera, poate e muzica, poate sunt oamenii, chiar tu insuti esti cel care determina sa se intample un dans bun.

Imi aduc aminte de atmosfera de la Cina in zilele ei de glorie, de Chocolat, de “La Italieni”, si mai recent de “La Scena”: lumina difuza, eventual doar cu lampioane, veioze sau lumanari, muzica, un pahar de vin roshu, fum de tigara, fete imbracate in general discret, in mare majoritate combinatii de negru cu accente de alta culoare. Te uiti la fiecare si iti dai seama ca si-au ales hainele pentru seara respectiva. De ce? Eu imi aleg hainele care ma fac sa ma simt bine in momentul respectiv. Cateodata ma simt bine intr-o rochie atragatoare, alta data ma simt foarte confortabil in blugi. Depinde. Cateodata ma simt bine fardata, alta data nu-mi trebuie farduri… depinde. Dar exista un principiu, o linie generala; si cred ca fiecare are in felul lui o perceptie vis-à-vis de tango in functie de care se creeaza sau se modeleaza. Evident, suntem foarte influentati de clishee, iar internet-ul geme de poze cu tango, in mare majoritate cu tango de scena influentat de moda anilor 80… bleah… (sa nu confundam cu milonga ca eveniment de societate), si nu cred ca cineva vrea sa arate ca in pozele alea, dar se urmareste o linie, cu haine pe corp, rochii despicate pe un picior, sau falduri care sa fluture pe langa genunchi, o camasha cu butoni, un sacou, bretele, o palarie, un parfum, un aftershave… Toate aceste mici detalii te fac sa sa te simti altfel. Chiar si felul in care iti aranjezi parul!

Odata rezolvate aceste aspecte, se poate spune ca sunt gata de dans; o invitatie, si incepe dansul: ma adun, ma concentrez, ascult muzica, inspir… las totul inafara, si sunt numai eu acolo in dansul respectiv. Un blitz in ochi si s-a dus o jumatate de dans, o melodie necunoscuta cu un ritm total neobisnuit, greu de interpretat, agitatia partenerului, o mana cazuta moale pe spatele tau, un fir dus la ciorap, un breton prost aranjat chiar de acasa, toate te pot disturba. Orice lucru cat de mic ma poate disturba, si atunci se poate strica ceva si nu mai e acelas lucru. Se simte, totul se simte si se transmite. E simplu, la orice input exista un output; actiune si reactiune. Acum depinde foarte mult de mine si in aceeasi masura de partener.

Fiecare dans este altfel in functie de fiecare partener si de ce aduce el in acel dans. Cu un partener dansez bine cand sunt vesela, cu altul cand sunt suparata, cu altul cand sunt trista, cu altul cand sunt enervata, cu altul cand sunt plina de energie, cu altul cand sunt obosita etc.. Fiecare are propriul sau stil de dans, si fiecare are preferinte pentru anumite structuri, sau variatii, sau ritmuri, fiecare are sensibilitatea sa, muzicalitatea sa, receptivitatea la cum simti si tu muzica si ce vrei si tu sa exprimi… si e normal sa alegi, in functie de tine si de starea ta cu cine si ce vrei sa dansezi in momentul acela. Conteaza, multe detalii aparent nesemnificative, conteaza. Cel putin pentru mine. Cateodata unele mai mult, alteori mai putin.

Ajunsesem sa am fobie de milonga, pentru ca eram foarte obosita iar milonga parca presupunea un efort prea mare, pentru ca toata lumea mi se parea ca ma alerga! Alta data am fost intrebata ce am, ca parca sunt un arici…, alta data cand am plecat foarte nervoasa de acasa nu am fost invitata toata seara…, alta data am vrut sa intrerup dansul ca partenerul avea un sictir total din cauza muzicii si mi-a stricat si mie cheful. Io una, nu mai pot sa dansez asa oricum si oriunde.

In ultima vreme parca totul e cu fundu’n sus. Nu mai reusesc sa am un dans cum trebuie, chiar si cu parteneri cu care dansam foarte fain! Problema? Ar trebui sa admit, e la mine. Imi doresc o pauza. Simt ca nu mai vreau tango, ca nu mai vreau sa ascult tango, dar din diferite motive, cum ar fi si seminarul lui Ney, programat si platit inca din vara, plus alte evenimente, sarbatorite tot cu mult tango, nu am reusit sa-mi iau aceasta pauza. E cea mai lunga criza pe care am avut-o vreodata in tango, si inca nu reusesc sa ies din ea. Asa ca starea mea determina calitatea dansului. Parerea mea: nu mai dansati tango daca nu va arde, n-o sa va placa nici voua, nici partenerului : )))))